Official "Confirmed Kills Blog Roll"

Folks the day is about to officially kick off and thus the blog is rolling for your dumbself. Seeing as we are clearly football first I'll sprinkle random ACC knowledge into the days coming posts.

Actually on second thought I'll just sprinkle them into the comments section to keep things awesome!

I'll kick off with a quote about my (not) favorite tennis player Amelie Mauresmo and please feel free to add your own soul stealing diatribes.

"She had an Adam's apple as big as her balls and her hands were the size of Andre the Giants."

Its about to get grazy for this blogger!

"And remember, you can't get a butthole pregnant"
-Crandall Lea

And yes that is a beautiful matress stain. BYAAaaaaaaAAAAH!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Official "Confirmed Kills Blog Roll"

Folks the day is about to officially kick off and thus the blog is rolling for your dumbself. Seeing as we are clearly football first I'll sprinkle random ACC knowledge into the days coming posts.

Actually on second thought I'll just sprinkle them into the comments section to keep things awesome!

I'll kick off with a quote about my (not) favorite tennis player Amelie Mauresmo and please feel free to add your own soul stealing diatribes.

"She had an Adam's apple as big as her balls and her hands were the size of Andre the Giants."

Its about to get grazy for this blogger!

"And remember, you can't get a butthole pregnant"
-Crandall Lea

And yes that is a beautiful matress stain. BYAAaaaaaaAAAAH!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

FFM2M's First Ever Confirmed Kills Day!

Well folks today is the day for the first ever FFM2M sanctioned "Confirmed Kills" Day!

Huh? What's confirmed kills? Why should you care?

Well to start it confirmed kills, also known as scalps, is a term derived from the military's method of describing known enemies who meet their demise at a given soldier's hands.

So does that mean I'll be out there killing people and pulling off scalps to prove how big my stones are? Quick answer is no. Long answer is Mike Felder is too terrified of prison and the intense poking that goes on there to even remotely consider acting on my vengeful instincts.

No folks confirmed kills, in lay person terms, are the anti-wounded soldiers from last night's party. They're the beers that you know you and only you drank. That's right, its like a baseline test for fun happy times.

Generally I host confirmed kills days alone but the idea was so appealing to others that I've decided to open the forum and not only have two others join me for the debauchery but also host a live blog and comment roll to invite others into the awesomeness that is the arena of the beer sniper.

There will be pictures, there will be posts and there will be tweets.

There Will Be Blood (maybe).

Tune in folks, it will be an epic day in internet history, like the time I peed in the bed or the first time I went to Clemson.

Photo cred to twentysomewhat

Friday's Freaking Smackdown!

Well folks starting today I've decided on making Fridays a little more enjoyable. That means kicking off a Friday Slugfest for you all to launch salvos at while you're doing nothing at work or, as many of our most loyal readers are doing, smoking pot on your couch.

Reading this made me immediately reread the area code to make sure it wasn't a 910 for LB friend of the site.

"(206): A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings"

And it touched off a battle that should spark some interest. Going off the sports path as I so readily do and soliciting comments, which I want so badly; here is today's comment fodder (if any of you assclowns can even read this far):

FMyLife vs TFLN

That's right folks today for the fantabulous friday comment debate we will have a which is better battle royale. Be ready to defend your submission.

Have no clue what FML or TFLN is?

First of all kill yourself because:
1) you're obviously out of my demographic and
2) you're a bigger loser than a Lions fan born and raised a crappy town like Flint.

FML aka "Fuck My Life"
http://www.fmylife.com/

Another solid UK import like The Office or Elizabeth Hurley this site spread like wildfire in recent years and has blown up. Folks send in crap that happened to them and other users comment (read denegrate). Here's a classic example:

"Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML"

Now while formidable TFLN has taken the web by storm in the last 9 months. Its all-american, like apple pie or Molly Sims (if she's from America?).

TFLN aka Texts From Last Night
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Just simply put the messages you get late night from your idiotic, drunk or both friends. Very easy to explain:

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

Note the spelling error, classic blackberry texting error. I say blackberry because if this kid has an iPhone or some other phone QWERTY phone besides a blackberry I would lose all respect for him (don't worry blackberry vs iPhone will be coming soon).

Do your worst folks!


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Jean Short Friday: A Preview of the Nothingness I Live In Everyday (Yay)!

Well folks I went to bed last night with the Heels leading Arizona State 4-0 in the 4th. I woke up to a lovely 12-5 loss and the realization that maybe we're like Andy. You know the 40 year old virgin:

"It just never happened. When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. And then I got older and I got more and more nervous because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen"

That describes out four year run perfectly, sucks rhino sized balls but hey with baseball season over that can only mean one thing; FOOTBALL season looms larger on the horizon. So on this RuPaul-esque "Fantabulous Friday" I'll give a few updates that one (me) guy never got around to denoting.

First of all the ACC 30 best players countdown by Heather Dinich is pretty solid so check that out on ESPN.com.

You slack jawed morons are pretty disappointing in your responses so I may have to call for back up from an audience I know will rip me into cute little chum style strips. Fun!

I'm currently passing the one month anniversary of the end of my long distance relationship. The consolidation of two very different lifestyles has been far from easy and let me say this firm mattresses are better (in the Billy Madison "shampoo is better" type of way).

We'll be doing a bit of live blogging tomorrow from the first ever multiperson confirmed kills day in FFM2M history (a more detailed report on that at midday today).

Yeah BoYEEEEEeeeEEEEeee

Weekend is hurr.

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Comments of Fury

Alright folks I'm about to do some pandering, like a 50 something college coach telling a snot-nosed high school kid how great he is. Yeah it feels a little like groveling but it will definitely drive some discourse on the site and that's what counts; so here goes:

I can see we're getting some steady traffic and folks are enjoying our emails from the blog updates; however (Stephen A Smiff style) there's zero witty comments. Well damn you all and let's get it started. To make the site more interactive my first order of business is to get a poll up later today. Which I guess technically makes it second order of business since this is the first order. Damn me and my tremendous brain.

For now I'm going to start a commenter war. That's what I want commenter on commenter violence and surprisingly witty retorts. I'll toss myself out there as the initial fodder for this experiment and from then on user submitted and/or pilfered photos will be used to destroy things like egos, self respect and dignity. In honor of my greatness I've submitted the greatest photo I've ever taken!

Do your worst assjackets (LB) and let's get the comments swirling.


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Tonights Show! Debauchery Will Ensue

Here's the link guys and be sure to check out the iTunes store for "Football from Mass to Miami" and "Game Time Sports" archived episodes. Great listens if you haven't heard them yet.  Just go to the iTunes store and search "MichaelFelder" (all one word).http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/27329 <http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/27329>  

Well folks let's start at the start and that means the Lakers are champions and I'll have to detail my bet that I lost to a local radio personality as well as to my dad.  We'll also talk about the LA title in terms of WVU styled damage and the idiocy that ensued.  I've also got some NBA draft news that might wow you but most likely will have Bobcats fans opening their eyes to the travesty that is about to occur unless they listen to me. 

We'll also go off the beaten path with the latest Erin Andrews news, the saddest thing to occur on a tennis court in quite some time and the best MMA news I've ever heard.  Personally I'm not an MMA guy so don't worry I wont be breaking down the next "Nobody I know" vs "Other guy I've never heard of" fight. 

Also Coaches on Twitter is silent but Players got twitter popping this time for news that is the best for a celtics great since the KG trade.  Also Lebron hits the White House, the Astros still suck and... 

The Stallworth incident.  I promise you this, my opinion doesn't change one iota.

Photo from EDSBS
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The Chronicles of FELDER

Hey folks,

We've got another edition of The Chronicles and that means we're catching you up to speed on the haps in the world of Mike Felder.

First up I'm dominating a couple of articles including The ACC in Metaphors as well as another Occam's Razor piece. Both to be debuted later this week for you assclowns.

Secondly we'll knock out some radio work including an appearance on http://kkay1590.com with Brian Scott as I break down a little ACC/SEC football. We'll knock out Clemson, Virginia and possibly Duke on the ACC front and Vandy, Arkansas and Kentucky on the SEC front homies.

In other news please believe me when I say that the show will go on tonight. My co-host returns and we've got plenty to dish about;

Stallworth, Favre, Artie Lange, Sammy Sosa and plenty of obscure sports stories. Not to leave out Big Ben again proving he's the best since Bradshaw.

Click the widget on the side and let's get "grazy" folks!

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