UNC O-Line Takes Major Blow

The Tar Heels, who were supposed to return 66 starts to their offensive line this season, were caught off guard when guard Aaron Stahl decided to forego his redshirt senior season.

http://northcarolina.scout.com/2/869892.html

Stahl reportedly has had enough and while I could use a personal anecdote to sensationalize the Florida native's exit I'm gonna be classy and let my former teammate ride off into the sunset.

Now here's the issue, minus Stahl's 18 career starts between center and guard the Heels are now at 48 career starts. That's well below the 80+ number that is a hallmark of a quality ball club. Clemson returns 79, NC State 66, FSU 89 and Wake is the daddy at 119.

Like it or not the Heels are in a little trouble. Hopefully Davis and staff have an ace up there sleeve because right now the prospects have shifted from a possible ACC Title Game appearance to staring down the barrel of a 6-6 season.

Picture from http://northcarolina.scout.com/2/869892.html
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An ACC Player You Oughta Know

What's that you say?



He's a baseball player?



Why you're right folks.



But he's also the newest starting quarterback for the purple and orange out of Pickens, he's Kyle Parker.



While generally now is when I discuss why said player is poised to have a solid year and what makes me think he'll be "BALLIN'" (and you know this) Parker is a special case. His former coach, Tommy Bowden, really just took the words from me about a year ago.



"He's really good looking. If I was a girl, I'd be very interested in him. He wears those tight pants. When you wear loose stuff, you can't tell the definition of a guy's body. In baseball, everything's tight and you can tell he's very well put together."



With that said do you really need to know that he's got a rocket arm, was an Elite 11 quarterback coming from Jacksonville, Fla or that Dabo is so high on the kid he's having trouble not burying the great Willie Korn in the annals of Clemson lore with the other never was's.



Parker's got poise, skills and a ton of talent surrounding him. Plus with 79 starts returning along the O-Line his jersey should stay as clean in football as it does when he trots around the bases for Jack Leggett.



Quote from http://clemson.scout.com/2/743007.html



Photo from http://grfx.cstv.com/photos/schools/clem/sports/m-basebl/auto_action/1826385.jpeg



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Seinfeld Girlfriend of the Day

Is it a little late?

Yeah. But that's alright, that's ok, I've got some good ones lined up and I've semi-worked my schedule out to allow for hilarity to ensue.

With that said without further ado here's the info on this Eastern European hottie. Although she goes by Elina Löwensohn in public we know her as Katya the Romanian gymnast.

Everyone has been there with a girl; we call it limboland. Its all good, except for Jerry sees what a gymnast body can do and makes the 90's mistake of sleeping with her.

Why is that a 90's mistake you say?

Yes because strangely, in the 90's if you slept with a woman you had to keep seeing her, three week minimum. Who freaking knew? If this was the 2000's he'd have given her the business and then just ignored her texts, calls and emails starting the next day.

Which brings us to, quite possibly, the most disparaging quote about Jerry of all time:

"In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the 'Comedian.' You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no Comedian." -Katya

You bite your tongue Katya. That's blasphemy; especially when Jerry said you just laid there in bed like a wet towel while he was sweating his ass off pumping and thrusting. He didn't say that exactly but that's how Imagine Seinfeld having sex; he's a hard worker probably.

As for Löwensohn, she's been busy since this episode and the injury to her friend Misha. Done a lot of film, most of which I can't pronounce the titles so I assume they are foreign or Lifetime movies about one of the channels 4 genres (teen pregnancy, spousal abuse, adultery by men or unsatisfied woman wanting a fantasy) either way its all Greek to me.

One more tidbit, she was in "Schindler's List." The same Holocaust movie that Jerry was caught making out in like a middle schooler at Titanic. In other words Jerry was caught making out with a girl in a movie featuring one of his former conquests.

Photo from http://abadeo.com/pageboy/Elina_Lowensohn.jpg


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An ACC Player You Oughta Know

You know, Sergio?



The really biggish, really monstrous, two-time All-Americanish guard?



You know, Sergio from Rio.



Well actually from La Grange, Georgia (yes exactly like Bubba Sparxxx) but considering the sheer volume of strip clubs in Atlanta and the amount of trannies roaming the streets every other weekend could be Carnivàl.



The junior is coming off a sophomore All-American campaign and a 2nd team All-ACC effort. He sat out the spring to heal from offseason shoulder surgery and should tear into 2009 fully charged. He's the Hokies anchor at guard, capable of steamrolling defensive tackles and agile enough to make the break out blocks in the back seven.



A likely first team All-America and ACC; Render is one of the nation's top ranked guards. With the departure of C Nick Marshman, Sergio will have to go from a stand out contributor as a freshman and sophomore to a legitimate leader on the VT front. Opening holes for their stable of running backs is the path to Beamer'st ever elusive first national title.



Photo from http://www.hokiesports.com/football/players/2008/render.html



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ACC Player You Oughta Know

Yeah, before you all start getting on my case I've been working two jobs, walking twelve miles uphill both ways plus catching, killing and skinning my own meat before cooking it over a fire I made from rubbing sticks together.

With that said we're a little behind schedule so with out further ado I bring you one of the several ACC Players You Oughta Know:

Willie Young

The senior out of NC State is one of the nations elite defensive ends and at 6'4" 255 lbs he's got the prototypical size that's a mist for the NFL. With a team leading 12 sacks Young returns for his final season after flirting with the NFL.

One of the last Chuck Amato holdovers Young's one of those Florida products that Chuck the Chest mined out of Florida. Young's got the potential to lead the ACC in sacks although a couple guys in Pickens County will have some serious say in that matter.

Now get off my back the beast has been sated for a few hours.

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Another One Bites The Dust: BC Edition

Sophomore quarterback Dominique Davis will transfer from Boston College after being slapped with an academic suspension by the university.

http://www.bostonherald.com/sports/college/football/view.bg?articleid=1176345

Davis started the Eagles last three games and played admirably in the place of injured senior Chris Crane. He was the projected starter entering fall camp for a very very thin BC team.

The Eagles have lost their two defensive monsters to the NFL, their starting middle linebacker to a torn achilles and the reigning ACC Defensive Player of the Year to cancer treatment in the last 3 months. I guess its only fitting that the offense taste the sweet nectar of disappointment.

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An Exercise In Exhaustion

Mike Felder's been pulling double duty recently. That's duty with a "t" not doody. Because if I was putting double doody in I'd be reading a lot more Phil Steele than I have been.

Don't worry I get a break from the school system for a few hours to get some web work done so I'll get you current on our two features.

Wednesday we're still a go for the shows as well as getting our ACC Players in.

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