While it'd be easy to do something near and dear to our readers hearts like which drug or bear is best; we're going to attempt to keep it 3 rated and not "Showgirls" styled NC-17. Speaking of No Children hats off to John and Kate for pretending not to have kids and getting all the shine. BTW, yes that's the lone J&K+8 reference you'll ever see on my site (sometimes I get bored waiting in grocery store lines).
As we're speeding into this 4th of July weekend I decided to go Patriotic on your white ass. And by white ass I mean red, white and blue posterior. And by Patriotic I mean fireworks because nothing is more Patriotic than running to that assbackward state that borders yours, buying copious amounts of TNT inspired fireworks and speeding home to cause serious trouble.
Thus our Friday smackdown is FIREWORKS! As in which fireworks are best?
Personally I'm partial to bottle rockets and M80's. Bottle Rockets are fun to shoot at each other, don't believe the box about aiming; grow a pair and shoot them at each other from across the yard. If you've got real balls try and catch them and throw them.
As for M80's; they're the daddy of the fireworks world. A mini dynamite stick made for kids to blow up watermelons (please save your black jokes for the comments section), GI Joes, Mailboxes and my personal favorite; fish. Yes fish, the fuse is waterproof so if you find an unattended koi pond or a pond where fish come to the surface and eat anything you can splatter fish guts everywhere: AWESOME!
Whether its black cats, the chinese styled, smoke bombs, cherry bombs or roman candles defend your choice with vigor my friends. I will admit shooting off a roman candle in a confined space is a good way to make the shart ghost visit.
PS- First person who says sparklers wins a free prize!
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2 comments:
I hope the prize for mentioning sparklers is a kick to the scrotal sac with a steel toed boot followed by a Jackie Sherrill styled castration. Sparklers are gay. If its not an M80 in the neighbor cats anus I ain't down with it.
Speaking of Jon and Kate, they were in north Carolina last year for the 4th and all the kids started crying because Kate wouldn't let Jon shoot off the fireworks. Apparently she thought even the fire works sold in NC were illegal here.
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