The ACC Through Occam's Razor

My girlfriend and her roommate are on a quest to learn something new everyday and although they're operating on the NBC summer '96 principle ("If you haven't seen it, its new to you") I'm still some what inspired. Thus I've decided to take their idea and go all Emmitt Smiff on it, ya know I had did blowed it out. With that said I'm introducing our newest weekly feature "The ACC Through Occam's Razor!"

Say what? You don't know what Occam's Razor is? Well in the words of Kenny Powers "you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth."

'Pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitas.'

Oh you don't speak Latin? That's ok no one does anymore. In English that's:

"Plurality should not be posited without necessity."

Still not following? Let me drop lay person terms on your dumb self. It means don't go all the way around your ass to get to your elbow. Keep it simple. The obvious answer is probably the best answer.

As this pertains to the ACC we'll break down things that seem complex into nuts and bolts that even a drooling, mouth breathing, slope browed troglodyte like yourself can understand.

This week I'm going to go Clemson on your ass and explain the art of shrinking away better than Rick Moranis (Honey I Shrunk The Kids Reference 1). The Tigers went from preseason killing machines to Pussy Cat Dolls in one night as Alabama loosened up their buttons and gave Tommy and team the first day of prison treatment.

While excuses have been made for their pathetic excuse for a season in keeping with our theme I'll show you the A to B, Occam's Razor reasoning behind it:

This is actually a two part answer. The concrete reasoning is their horrendously inexperienced offensive line. The guys were essentially all green going into 2008. We all overlooked this in favor of their shiny offensive toys Spiller, Kelly and Davis (I know I left Ford off, he's a midget and a track guy, doesn't belong anywhere near a football. If he's all they have this season they're in trouble).

Now while the line was horrendous here is the real reason for their demise: mentality.

Blame the play calling, the inexperience, the defense's passive scheme, the Swinney and Bowden rift, injuries and whatever else you want to trot out as an excuse but it all returns to mental make up.

Like a brown banana the Tigers were soft. They had the testicular fortitude of an eight year old asian girl. Perhaps even less, since those girls carry water for miles before breakfast. The Tigers were like a bunch of non-contact sport athletes. Sure you look great getting off the bus and your body's put together like Atlas.

One problem, when you get punched in your mouth you tuck your tail under your skirt and curl up in the fetal position. That was why they were, without a doubt, the biggest disappointment in the ACC last season.

Plain and simple, no tough analysis needed. Watch the Maryland game where they looked like world beaters until Maryland pushed back, the Tech game where nut-up time came and they showed they were playing with two undescended testicles.

There is hope for anyone who can still stomach the purple and scourge. That Boy is getting minds right in Pickens County. The Tigers will be tougher under the new staff. Guys like Danny Perryman, Kevin Steele and Dabo won't tolerate the half-assery that was the hallmark of Tommy Bowden's soft-spoken, no feather ruffling coaching tenure.

Check back later in the week when I diagnose another issue through Occam's Razor.

Simple is best.
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