Drop Your Panties; Daddy's Buying A New House!

That's right folks. Just got the email not two minutes ago from Rams Club and I think I just peed myself. The "New Kenan" has just been green lit which means we'll be breaking ground as the Heels practice for their bowl game.

Its going to bowl in the stadium with more luxury boxes, more seating and an athlete center that will get the Heels ready for big boy football.

Get scared ACC. We're gonna make it fit.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Jacory Harris: My Hero

Folks this is without a doubt the most awesomest, badass, ballerific and stuntastic hair cut of all time.

Not only is Jacory Harris aerodynamic, he can now rep Da UUUuuUuUuUuuUUU whenever he peaces out on defenders.

The kid has to have a big game tomorrow night and with the power of Da UuUUuuUuUuuUUU in the back of his head the survey says he will.

Weekly Previews and Game of the Week coming out soon.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Jekyll and Hyde

Seriously ACC, you slay me. What with your wild ways and your Hurky Jerky decisions to be awful, terrible, crappy and oh so fantastic all at the same time.

Case and point; the Canes. A team that looked so offensively fantastic Jacory Harris was getting Heisman slobbed and Mark Whipple was crowned in the Dennis Green since of the word. They got abused by the Hokie Hi-ness this Saturday, a smack down so thoroughly layethed down that Miami dropped eleven sports from #9.

Or take their competition the Hokies who have Beamer Balled their way to #11 after a dismantling by Nick Saban's "Spartan-esque" Tide. Tyrod Taylor looked about as potent as a one balled man with a visectomy. Then this week the Hokies and Predator freshman Ryan Williams exploded to drop 31 on the Canes. They're back in the top 10 at #6 and appear to be fully back in the national title hunt. Alabama-VT rematch anyone?

Perhaps the best exhibit C is the North Carolina Tar Heel team. A unit that gave up 52 yards per game through its first three contests before bending over and taking it for 320+ yards. Bruce Carter is still on the milk carton while Gomer Pile aka Mark Whipple still stumbles through the playbook for 3 quarters before realizing the "hurry up" and quick passing game make Yates infinitely more effective.

This just in: when the offensive line is inexperienced and under manned they cannot block 5 and 7 step play action drops.

As my last exhibit of ACC futility matched only by sudden fertility we look at Florida State. A team so two faced they make Harvey Dent jealous. Yes that's a Batman reference and no not from the "Dark Knight" its from the animated series fool.

The Noles looked like they were well on their way to becoming the "Crimi-Noles" of old after shooting fireworks in the Miami loss and exploding for 54 against top 10 BYU. Then against USF, they got mollywopped yet again. No need to pile on as Bobby Bowden made the worst gaffe I've heard from a coach this season:

"They really were a whole lot better than we thought they were."

Seriously?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Cheers and Boom Boom Pow To The Nation...Suckers

We'll pause for a moment of silence for Maryland, Duke and Virginia. Not because they're programs are dying (they are) but because for the next week we will not be discussing them as they are clearly raining all over the ACC's parade toward respectability. They're like the fat, haggard friend in a night club. Sure they make VT, Da U and Clemson look better but in the end they're the ones who stop you from getting to the VIP.

Translation, MD, Duke and UVA, please go home early because the rest of the league is trying to hit the VIP harder than Chris Brown popped Rihanna. On a related note UVA @ Maryland homecoming in College Park on October 17th should be the pillow fight of the year, and not the sorority house slumber party type.

Now on to the teams that are carrying the torch, NC State you only get a slight head nod because you beat the Bulldogs, of Gardner-Webb. UNC a slightly noddier head nod for beating ECU, a team that hates us but doesn't realize we don't care.

Finally we get to the awesomeness that is the rest of the league. GT your time for torch carrying is over but thanks for the top 15 ranking, we'll be blowing out your candle and thank you for making Miami's shine brighter as the Canes jump to #9 in the nation.

Da UuUUuUUUUUUUuU is on the verge of being back and thanks to Jacory Harris their offense looks to be among the nations elite. There are girls in thongs on South Beach who are auditioning to be part of this new Canes era. The 7th floor won't be enough to contain how nasty these Canes are right now and heading into this weeks game against VT I'm hoping Coral Gables is prepared with enough Grey Goose, Alaze and Magnums to contain the celebration.

Speaking of the Hokies, they escape against Nebraska and that is just enough for Beamer. Tyrod Taylor proves that while completely inept for the entire game his scrambling ability are still adequate enough to make Nebraska decide that rushing the quarterback is an optional task, leaving Taylor all day to find a wide open man. Hokie Hi will definitely need to find some offense against the UUuuUuuUuuuUuuUU but hey having two league teams in the top 15 ain't bad sucka duck.

Right outside the top 15 nestled in at #18 is the FSU "almost back to" Crimi-Noles. They beat the hell out of the fighting Mormons and Bronco Mendenhall. For the Noles first five possessions it looked like the Cougs were still on their two year missions as FSU scored at will. Just a week removed from narrowly beating the Gamecocks of Jacksonville State the Noles pounded #9 BYU into absolute submission.

Sidenote, games on VS blow. The announcers have such a MWC slant I wanted to alternate between puking and punchisizing their larynxes. I hate VS.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

You Can't Spell Swagger Without "Da U"

Folks if you did yourself the disservice of missing last night's 33-17 Georgia Tech throttling by the UUUUUUUUUUU (said Solja Boy style) then you missed an old school Canes beat down. A drubbing so thoroughly old school in its essence that I wasn't even surprised by the late game roughing the passer and ensuing celebration as Nesbitt collected his dignity like a freshman on their knees picking up their scattered locker contents.

Jacory Harris, I'm told, is the most dangerous man in the ACC. Sorry Russell Wilson but Harris is like you but with actual talent. He's a 6'6", 70 lbs version of Daunte Culpepper (the UCF baller version, not the 300 lbs, double chinned Lion version). The kid throws the ball effortlessly, scrambles with his head downfield and isn't afraid to get every receiver involved in the game; even basketball blinger (black-ginger) Jimmy Graham.

Defensively they bottled up the option with supreme athleticism and great discipline. I was more impressed with the latter as there's never been a doubt about their freakish flying abilities. Up ending Roddy Jones was spectacular as the UUUUUUUUUUUU (Crank Dat) showed they still had some swag.

Fans at Landshark Stadium even jumped up out the bed and turned their swag on as the place was packed for the first time since the Dolphins '72 undefeated season. Somehow people were able to stave off the urge to patronize their local Conga, Samba, Rhumba, Salsa or Ecstasy club long enough for the Canes to go all "Mike Lowery" on the Jackets.

As for the Wreck, that's exactly what they are at this point, wrecked. Like an old beater that goes from 0 to 90 in a half second but then refuses to even turnover when you've got your girl in the car. The Jackets showed explosiveness against Clemson but then sputtered to that awkward halt in the front yard in the second half and have remained there, on blocks in the front yard.

Back to the drawing board Paul Johnson and the scary thing is there isn't much adjusting he can do. Once this is your system you're stuck, there is no "well we'll try more open sets" or "we'll go with a few more passes to the tight ends and backs". This is it you just go back to practice and run the same plays you ran last night that didn't work.

Photo:http://rlv.zcache.com/swagger_like_us_mia_paper_planes_girl_men_hip_hop_tshirt-p235846770843287837trlf_400.jpg

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The ACC Week 3: GOTW

Just one week removed from playing in a rivalry game against the Clemson Tigers the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets are back on the Thursday Night circuit playing another crucial ACC contest. This time it is an inter-divisional game against the up and coming Miami Hurricanes, a game that last season saw the Jackets thoroughly throttle the inexperienced Canes 41-23 while piling up 472 yards of rushing offense.

Coming off a largely unimpressive effort offensively the Ramblin’ Wreck looks to hit the ground running against Randy Shannon’s team. However the Canes have had an extra week to prepare for this game and, after shocking the nation with their firepower on Labor Day, the U looks for their first 2-0 start since 2004.

Paul Johnson’s team looks to get their offense back on track after being stymied by the Clemson defensive front seven. Although the Jackets built an impressive lead last Thursday the Wreck only scored sixteen offensive points; no touchdown through sustained drives and relied on their first quarter trickeration to defeat the Tigers. This week Johnson’s troops need to get their offense back to the rushing machine they’ve been in the past.

Most Intriguing Storylines: Coastal Positioning and ACC’s National Image

Coastal Positioning

Entering the 2009 campaign Georgia Tech was expected to challenge Virginia Tech for the Coastal Division title out of the gate while Miami was lumped in with North Carolina as a possible dark horse candidate. The Canes jumped out of the shoot with an impressive victory over Florida State while GT has looked less than impressive in their two victories.

Both teams are 1-0 in the ACC with wins over the Atlantic Division’s two favorites but this game holds tremendous weight in their race to unseat the Hokies. For both Miami and Tech this game is the middle game of an early season three game ACC stretch; the Wreck already beat Clemson, now face Miami before hosting the Tar Heels while Miami has defeated FSU, hosts GT before making the road trip to Blacksburg.

This game is crucial because both VT and UNC are formidable opponents. Neither third win is guaranteed and the team that loses in Landshark Stadium will be in a position to start the ACC season 1-2 and already behind the eight ball in reference to the conference title game.

ACC’s National Image

The Atlantic Coast Conference has had two remarkably stellar games in their national television showcases. Both the Miami-FSU and Clemson-Georgia Tech were instant classic caliber games that featured offensive firepower, defensive stands, explosive plays and tremendous coaching decisions. This game must continue to carry that torch for the league because while the aforementioned contests were great to watch the rest of the league’s games have failed to reach the same pinnacle.

Two losses to FCS schools, another overtime and regulation nail-biter against an FCS team plus several ugly offensive efforts against BCS opponents have tainted the ACC’s overall image. Another strong outing on the national stage would be a huge step towards rectifying damage done by, most notably, UNC, NC State, FSU, Maryland, Duke and Virginia. It’s a heavy cross to bear but Randy Shannon and Paul Johnson are both tasked with carrying the conference flag tonight.

Match Ups to Watch:

Miami’s Athletic Front 7 vs Georgia Tech’s Flexbone Attack

Last week when the Clemson front seven was tasked with defending the ACC’s premier rushing attack by staying at home and making sure tackles. Although Kavell Conner gave up a big play by missing on his rules early in the game the Tigers settled down, circled the wagons and shut down one of the nation’s best running backs Jonathan Dwyer. GT needs to force the Jackets to overrun plays, miss tackles and wear town in order to be successful moving the football up and down the field.

For the Canes this is the most important issue as they surrendered nearly 500 yards against the Jackets potent attack. This season the Canes return Colin McCarthy, their talented anchor in the linebacking core, as well as five other starters from just a season ago. New coordinator John Lovett is a year removed from watching the Tar Heels play a disciplined “bend but don’t break” strategy that forced the Jackets into turnovers and even though the Wreck piled up 326 rushing yards they only managed 7 points.

UM’s Offensive Tackles vs Derrick Morgan

Matt Pipho and Orlando Franklin will be Jacory Harris’ best friends heading into this game as they are his body guards against GT’s warrior of a defensive end Derrick Morgan. Last week Morgan abused both of Clemson’s tackles en route to harassing Kyle Parker and disrupting the rushing and passing attack. With Harris and the U’s best offensive player Morgan looks to get on track early against Pipho and Franklin through his wide array of pass rush moves.

For the two tackles keeping Harris upright is the most important task of the night as Harris is most effective through play action, deep drops and roll outs that enable him to through the ball downfield. The drawback to all three of these methods is that they also give the defensive line, Morgan in this case, more time to get to the quarterback. The tackles will need help from tight ends, backs and guards as containing Morgan is a task best accomplished by committee, not one on one.

Key to the Game: Miami’s Offensive Attack

The best defense for the Miami Hurricanes will be their offense for two reasons:

1) The Canes can rest their defense from the cutting and attacking of the Georgia Tech scheme that relies on wearing down the defense to force mistakes. Ergo a fresher defense and fewer mistakes means a better chance to defend the Tech option attack.

2) Scoring on the Jackets forces them to lose their “run first, run often” mentality. They cannot play from behind in the option and forcing them to throw creates turnover opportunities galore as Nesbitt is the ACC’s worst throwing quarterback.

My Pick: Miami 38 Georgia Tech 35

The ACC Week 3: Betta Have My Money!

As the season opened the original theme of the ACC's twelve member institutions was to build on the momentum created with the ten bowl teams just a season ago. However anemic showings as have shifted that theme from building upon existing momentum to generating any semblance of good will toward the conference nationally. More contests such as the Miami-FSU, Clemson-Georgia Tech and Wake Forest-Stanford efforts are needed to slowly erase the FSU-Jacksonville State, Maryland-James Madison debacles of the week two schedule.

FCS games are slowly weaning their way out of the schedule slate as there are only two this week and both NC State and Wake Forest are fully prepared to play their respective in-state competition. During this week's ACC conference call both O'Brien and Grobe acknowledged that they could do their part for the ACC by not allowing dispersions to be cast through their respective squads struggling against an FCS opponent.

Gardner-Webb @ NC State 6:00 PM
Elon @ Wake Forest 6:30 PM

Middle Tennessee @ Maryland 3:30 PM

On paper this game doesn't draw most casual fans' attention, a middle of the pack Sun Belt team against an ACC team that appeared in last years Humanitarian Bowl. Upon further review two things become apparent; first is last season's 24-14 MTSU beating of the Terps in which they dominated the ACC school and second the terrible showing that the Terrapins have had so far in this young season.

Friedgen's troops enter this game on the heels of a throttling by California and more immediately and overtime nail-biter against the Colonial League's James Madison Dukes. The once innovative offensive coordinator now leads a team that is stagnant on offense, incapable on special teams and totally inept defensively. If the Terps do not get their act together James Franklin, the coach in waiting, may be hearing his number called before the season is out.

East Carolina @ North Carolina (ESPN2, Noon)- Pam Ward, Ray Bentley

The Tar Heels are 2-0 entering this contest against their quasi in-state rival but they were less than impressive against UConn on national television last weekend. The Heels defense, especially the front seven, played as advertised as they suffocated the Husky rushing attack and harassed the quarterback all afternoon allowing only 196 total yards. Problems emerge for the Tar Heels on offense as they only mustered one touchdown all game and were limited to 35 rushing yards on 38 carries.

Expect the Pirates to come into this game amped up after falling hard to West Virginia a week ago as dynamic quarterback Patrick Pinkney has looked less than stellar in his first two outings this season. The Purple and Gold always have a chip on their shoulder when playing the Tar Heels as the rivalry is largely one sided. With center Lowell Dyer and tight end Zack Pianalto sidelined for the Heels manufacturing yards will be the toughest task. Look to see heavy doses of Ryan Houston as well as new comer, receiver Eric Highsmith, who proved to be the Heels most reliable receiving threat on the perimeter.

Duke @ Kansas (Versus, Noon)- Ron Thulin, Kelly Stouffer, Lewis Johnson

The Blue Devils make their trip to Lawrence looking to build momentum after a win against Army last week. What sounds like a great basketball match up also pits two of college football's better offensive minds against one another as Mike Mangino squares off with quarterback guru David Cutcliffe.

Duke has their work cut out for them, especially after needing to rely on redshirt freshman quarterback Sean Renfree to bail out incumbent Thaddeus Lewis in order to beat the Black Knights last Saturday. Cutcliffe says both with play but the Devils need Lewis, their unquestionable leader entering 2009, to have a good showing if they expect to compete with an experienced and explosive Jayhawks team.

Boston College @ Clemson (Raycom, Noon)- Steve Martin, Rick Walker, Mike Hogewood

The Eagles have been a thorn in the Tigers side since they entered the ACC in 2005, beating Clemson three out of the four contests. Last season, under then interim coach Dabo Swinney the Tigers were able to reverse that losing trend. Now entering not only BC's first league game but also their first BCS contest the two first year head coaches will jockey for position in the ACC Atlantic. BC enters the game averaging 44 points as they've feasted on lesser competition while Clemson limps in after a tough loss to cross division rival Georgia Tech.

Clemson's fast, athletic defensive line will be unleashed against BC's inexperienced two headed monster at quarterback as both Justin Tuggle and David Shinskie will likely see their share of Ricky Sapp and Da'Quan Bowers. If Clemson's linebackers can bottle up Montel Harris and Josh Haden it could be a long day for the two ACC newcomers. On the Clemson side Kyle Parker will have to show some of that late game moxie he exhibited against Tech if he expects to prevail against a solid BC defense anchored by Spaziani's toughman attitude and disciplined approach.

Nebraska @ Virginia Tech (ABC, 3:30pm)- Sean McDonough, Matt Millen, Holly Rowe

A great candidate for the ACC's game of the week as two top twenty teams squaring off in Blacksburg should be a dandy of an event. This game features an old school power slowly rising back to prominence and a newly minted beast of program that rose from obscurity. While both teams look to run the football, play great special teams and challenge the edge by getting big plays the story of this game will be the play of the defenses.

Bo and Carl Pelini lead the new Blackshirt defense into Blacksburg a place that has become synonymous with defensive excellence in the last decade. Both will be led by their defensive fronts as Jason Worilds and company will look to harass quarterback Zac Lee and stymie explosive runner Roy Helu Jr on the path to victory. Ndamukong Suh will lead the Blackshirts in their effort to contain Tyrod Taylor as well as stop freshman phenom Ryan Williams.

Virginia @ Southern Mississippi (CBS College Sports, 3:30pm)- Jason Knapp, Akbar Gbaja-Biamila

Before the season started this contest was exciting for the prospect of seeing both Vic Hall and Ras-I Dowling squaring off against one of the nation's best kept secrets, receiver DeAndre Brown. As the chips have fallen into place this game is more about Southern Miss maintaining their possible BCS buster status than the match up of the corners on the freakishly talented receiver.

Virginia's truly flailing around at the bottom of the ACC's proverbial barrel and while it would be great to get a win in Hattiesburg the fact is that seeing any of the three quarterbacks listed as co-starters be consistent would be a small moral victory. Southern Miss is not only the favorite pick they're a 15.5 point favorite according to Vegas, quite an embarrassing position to be in for the Wahoos as a BCS representative.

Florida State @ Brigham Young (Versus, 7pm)- Joe Beninati, Glenn Parker, Lindy Thackson

BYU is the newest media darling as they beat a Bradford-less Oklahoma Sooners squad in Arlington to open the season with a bang. Quickly catapulting into the top ten the Cougars did not disappoint against Tulane and now enter their second major contest with the stakes very widely recognized. If the Cougs win this game they'll be set up to play their way straight into a definite BCS bowl spot and possibly a BCS title shot. Lose and BYU will disappear from the national conscience.

Florida State struggled with Jacksonville State in a sloppy game that required a fourth quarter comeback against the FCS opponent. After they're great looking loss to Miami their effort against the Gamecocks came as a quite a surprise. Making the trip out to Provo with a young team seems to have energized Bobby Bowden and if their defense can take advantage of injuries on the BYU front the Noles may be able to shock the college football world.

The ACC Week Three Predictions

Wake Forest 35 Elon 17
NC State 42 Gardner-Webb 10
Maryland 24 Middle Tennessee 21
North Carolina 17 ECU 10
Kansas 35 Duke 17
Clemson 31 Boston College 24
Virginia Tech 31 Nebraska 27
Southern Miss 28 Virginia 17
BYU 38 Florida State 31
Miami 38 Georgia Tech 35

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Only A Bit of a Shiner this Week...sooooo...

On the heels of the awesome Clemson-Georgia Tech game came a weekend where the only word that can describe the league is "blah". The absolute garbage trotted out on the fields across the eastern seaboard stank considerably less than last weeks dumpster juice effort but by and large this week was like graduating to rotting cabbage.

It was a veritable smorgousborg of mediocrity and sub-mediocre games. The Tar Heels jump started the weekend by looking absolutely manorexic against the Huskies of UConn; a team picked 6th in the Big LEast. Carolina's offense was remarkably awful, including tight end Zack Pianalto dislocating his ankle celebrating the Heels' loan jaunt into the end zone.

The crap-tastic day really turned it up as the afternoon games kicked off with Virginia. They seriously blow; not improving, not showing flashes just are the ultimate in suckitude. I've got tickets to the Carolina-UVA alumni weekend game and right now I'm planning on skipping it in favor of listening to old Lionel Richie .45's and letting 8 year olds take turns punchisizing my testes all day. TCU abused Virginia. It was a serious Rihanna-Chris Brown situation.

Maryland goes next and FYI crab cakes and football is not what Maryland does. Unless by football they mean go to overtime, win by a field goal and look pathetic against a Colonial League team. Friedgen was better fat, the bacon grease lubed up his play calling abilities.

The piece de resistance was the Florida State effort against the Gamecocks. Not South Carolina mind you, rather Jacksonville State. The school most famous for women's softball and LSU cast off Ryan Perriloux. The FCS team is, by all accounts, mediocre at there own level. Somehow they mustered the strength to take a preseason top 20 Seminoles team to the brink. The Noles lived on the margins and in the end a late score sealed the victory then the Noles piled on another score to look almost respectable.

Amazing that this was the same team that played an instant classic a week ago today.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry